


Types of Coffee

by Moonrose91



Series: The Coffee of Life [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Darcy is very open minded, Either way he's very worried, F/M, Happiness all around, Jarvis gets a lovelife, M/M, Other, Tony isn't sure if he should be jealous or happy for his AI, it all starts with coffee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 07:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonrose91/pseuds/Moonrose91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with Phil and Clint being THAT couple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Folgers and Whipped Cream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [so_shhy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/so_shhy/gifts).
  * Inspired by [That Couple](https://archiveofourown.org/works/444258) by [so_shhy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/so_shhy/pseuds/so_shhy). 



> I do not own the Avengers. I do not own Folgers. If it is not one of those frappe, blended, monstrosities that tries to pass itself off as coffee, I get violently ill. It is not fun.

Every Wednesday, the members of Avenger Tower got together to whine about how Clint and Phil were that nauseating, irritating,  _couple_. You know the ones. The ones that were practically psychic, the ones that were like Lilly and Marshall from 'How I Met Your Mother', only even more nauseating. They all felt like Barney, only less lecherous and less playboy. And, it was on those Wednesdays that Darcy always brought the snacks from a bakery she had found called  _Sweet Nothings Bakery_  that she was deeply in love with and wanted to cuddle with for all of eternity.

Darcy was always the first to break out the bitching and whining, mostly because it turned out that she was the one who was stuck around it, even in the office.

The downside to becoming Phil’s (she managed to convince Phil that she could use his first name when it wasn’t an international incident) assistant was the fact that she had to see this every break.

Every. Single. Break.

And so, that Tuesday, she collapsed on the counter with a low whine.

She heard the soft whir of JARVIS activating to her presence and he said, “What is wrong Miss Lewis?”

“You know how nauseating Clint and Phil are?” she asked.

“Personally,” JARVIS answered.

“Did you know today is their anniversary?” she continued.

If JARVIS had a physical manifestation, she had a feeling he would have flinched in sympathy. That there would have been hugs all around, and comforting pets to the head, and it would have been wonderfully blissful. “I am very sorry Miss Lewis,” he responded.

She let out a low sigh and slowly pushed herself off the counter. “Yeah, me too. Why did I agree to be his assistant again?” she inquired.

“You felt that someone needed to take care Agent Coulson when Agent Barton was not around to do so,” JARVIS answered.

“JARVIS, do me a favor?” she asked.

“What is that Miss Lewis?”

“Shoot me should I ever think something of that sort again.”

JARVIS’s silence said volumes and she huffed. “Fine, don’t shoot me. Tranq me,” she corrected.

“As you wish, Miss Lewis,” JARVIS answered.

She snorted a bit and moved to make coffee, only to stop.

Sitting there, on the counter, was her mug, filled with coffee. And not just any coffee, the brand that Tony had warred with for _years_. The one that Darcy liked, for whatever reason, the best. The coffee that, with all there was to see, she had picked _that_ (much to Tony’s horror) as her favorite, every day, coffee.

She stared and, hesitantly, carefully, reached out for it. The coffee was a soft brown and the whipped cream was still bobbing around. “JARVIS?” she squeaked out.

“I felt you could use a pick-me-up, Miss Lewis,” he answered.

Again, if he had a physical manifestation, she had a feeling he would be shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “JARVIS?” she called as she cradled the coffee cup in her hands.

“Yes Miss Lewis?”

“Call me Darcy?”

“Yes…Darcy,” JARVIS answered.

She beamed and happily skipped out, drinking her Folgers and whipped cream concoction.

Oh, the joys of having a super-AI as a friend.

* * *

“ ** _What_** is _Folgers_ doing on the shopping list?” Tony hissed, pulling away from the list as if it had physically burned him.

“Darcy has a love for it. It would be prudent that, when she has a bad day, that she have her favorite drink which is Folgers, strong, and whipped cream,” JARVIS answered.

Tony blinked and turned to JARVIS with a grin. “ _Darcy_ , JARVIS? Did you just call our lovely little Team Pet _Darcy_?” Tony asked, sounding gleeful.

The silence was the sulking kind and Tony cackled a bit before turning around, allowing the Folgers to remain.

Besides, he was rather glad that JARVIS had found someone else to go out of his way for…as well as a little jealous.

Well, he would have to tease Darce about it later.

However, given how JARVIS was sulking, it would have to be _much_ later.


	2. Iced Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The situation Darcy is in during this fic is based off someone I know, IRL. I am not going to reveal their gender, or name, because that is IRL. That and I don't want to get yelled at.
> 
> Mainly the college one that is mentioned down below, with the quilt.
> 
> No yelling at me for it.

* * *

“I should be mad at you, you know,” Tony stated and Darcy looked up from her desk, the forms and files in two piles, one for herself and one for Phil (and Phil’s pile is suspiciously smaller, but if that means he and Clint _get out of the damn office_ faster, then more paperwork is a small price to pay), when she looks up in surprise.

“Wha?” she questioned.

Tony leaned on her desk and flicked his sunglasses down his nose to stare at her over the rims. “You turned my AI against me,” Tony stated and she blinked.

“If you’re talking about the Folgers (she ignored Tony’s hiss of irritation at the name) thing, I didn’t ask him for that. And get your hand away from my computer!” Darcy responded, smacking the billionaire’s hand away from the desktop.

He whined and held his hand, as if she had grievously harmed him, and she rolled her eyes at him. “No, no, no. Last time I let you touch it, I couldn’t use my computer for _days_. Do you know how much paperwork got backed up? Do you know how many nights had to sit here, without coffee except the sludge from the break room? _I have lost count!_ You, you do not get to touch my computer _ever again_!” Darcy snarled, leaning forward.

He didn’t back off, even with their faces _uncomfortably_ close, though Darcy wouldn’t admit to that. “Or you’ll what?” he asked.

“I’ll tazer you and let you drool on the carpet while I sit back and watch Supernanny with Phil,” she answered back, glaring.

He pulled back.

“You wouldn’t _dare_!” he exclaimed.

Darcy smirked evilly. “Try me,” she threatened.

Tony glared. “You are _evil_ ,” he hissed.

She just smiled gleefully in response before settling back in her chair, pushing her glasses further up on her nose, and settling more into her work. Tony scowled and then turned, about to enter, when Darcy said, “It is Phil’s lunch break.”

Tony snorted and opened the door…and closed it promptly.

“Evil!” he claimed again as he went back out the door of the outer, or Darcy’s, office.

She smirked a bit and focused on doing her work, making sure to hide certain files so it made it look like Phil’s pile was bigger.

Wouldn’t do to have him think she had a larger workload then him.

* * *

Darcy rubbed her eyes as she stumbled into the kitchen near one in the morning, for the second time this week. She was exhausted, having not slept in what felt like days (and, if by JARVIS’s calculations, was going to soon beat Tony’s record for ‘Longest Time Without Sleep’) and she was nowhere near done.

After Coulson had called it a night today, there had been an emergency.

Normally, this would have warranted calling Coulson back, but she had a high enough clearance level (she had to, to work with the Avengers, and Phil) and she knew what they were talking about.

The paperwork snafu is one of the worst that SHIELD has had in a while and she’s exhausted, along with being drained, and not finished with her work. “Darcy?” JARVIS greets softly and she looks up.

“Hey, Jarvis,” she mumbled and moved to settle at her desk in her room, the lights flickering on low in front of her, and darkening behind her as she stumbled her way to her floor slash room. She is resting heavily against the elevator wall, and JARVIS whirs softly around her.

“Do you wish for assistance Darcy?” he questioned as the doors dinged open, but Darcy hadn’t yet moved.

She let out a low groan and forced herself to move.

“Aside from you, buddy? Nah, I’m good. Slow, but good,” she answered softly and JARVIS had the doors slide behind her effortlessly.

She, technically, shared this floor with Jane, but Jane always stayed up with Thor, so it was hers. Darcy continued to stumble down the way to her room, with JARVIS being obvious in his watching.

The cleaner bot she named Wally was following her with a worried ‘chirr’ sound every time she stumbled even the slightest bit. She reached down to pat his head before she made it to her room, Wally happily following her, though it let out a whine of annoyance when he saw that she brought work home. “Yeah, yeah. I had to bring it home. Got to get it all done for tomorrow. Some of this is really scary shit, though. Got…Jarvis, why is there an iced coffee sitting on my bar?” she responded.

“For you, Darcy. It is a new recipe Miss Potts has perfected recently,” he informed her and she smiled, before reaching out and gently stroking his Smart Stark Glass.

There was a flutter of the lights around her, but she didn’t notice as she began to drink the iced coffee.

It was too late when she felt like there was cotton in her mouth. “Jarvis?” she questioned.

“My apologies Darcy, but you have, officially, broken Sir’s record in ‘Longest Time Without Sleep’. You need rest,” he stated, even as she stumbled back, slurring a little, before she fell on her bed, collapsing amongst the mess of blankets, sheets.

“Okay Jarvis,” she managed to get out before she passed out, still dressed and uncovered.

Wally whirred softly and rolled over, carefully getting off Darcy’s boots before he gently grabbed the quilt Darcy’s grandmother had made her (and sent to her) upon learning of her college graduation (the first Lewis woman to do so) and covering her, haphazardly, with it.

He whirred softly and settled down. “Good night, Darcy,” JARVIS murmured and Wally cooed.

“Good night to you as well, Wally.”

* * *

Coulson awoke with a low sigh as the alarm went off. Before he could ask JARVIS to shut it off for him, JARVIS did. “Pardon the intrusion, Agents Coulson and Barton, but I would like to inform you that Miss Lewis will not be coming into work today. I’m afraid she is ill. I have had one of the robots deposit the files she had brought from work, Clearance Level One, all of them, before your door, otherwise she would be tempted to work,” JARVIS stated and Clint groaned, hiding under his pillow.

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Coulson stated.

“You are welcome, Agent Coulson,” JARVIS answered and there was the soft whir sound to signify that JARVIS was leaving them be.

Phil was about to get up, when Clint wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled behind his ear. Phil grinned and turned, happily pulling his partner in for a kiss.

Neither got out of bed for another hour.

* * *

Darcy let out a groan as she slowly woke up and jumped slightly, her stomach rebelling slightly at the movement, when she saw Wally staring at her. “Ugh, oh, Wally, unless you want to clean up a rather disgusting mess, please don’t do that,” she stated.

“Good afternoon, Darcy. It is nearly 12:40 in the afternoon,” JARVIS began and Darcy yelped, forcing herself to sit up and trying to scramble.

The soothing lilt of JARVIS talked her down and explained that she had the day off. He did not explain how she got it and she really didn’t want to ask. “Hey, Jarvis?” she called, as she ate a light meal of chicken soup and crackers in her room.

“Yes, Darcy?” JARVIS answered.

“Anyway you could join me for my annual trip tomorrow?” she questioned.

“I shall talk it over with Sir, but I am sure it can be arranged,” JARVIS answered.

“Awesome,” Darcy responded and settled down with her soup.

She laughed openly when dessert was another iced coffee, this time with the promise of no sleep aids.


	3. Chocolate Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It went from cutsie to angsty.

* * *

Clint yelps when he’s zapped by the toaster when he reaches for a mug of coffee sitting innocently on the counter, waiting for someone to drink it. And, even though it is in Darcy’s cup, he convinces himself she only has herself to blame if he drinks it all. He tries to grab it again when the toaster zaps him, more brutally this time.

He feels it all the way up his arm and he lets out a shout, holding his arm protectively against his body. “What the hell?” he asked.

“That mug of coffee is for Darcy, Agent Barton,” JARVIS stated and in such a cold and cruel voice, Clint feels like JARVIS is about to murder him and hide the body while forging his handwriting explaining how he’s leaving Phil and how he can’t do this anymore.

“Okay?” he squeaked out.

“I’m glad we have an understanding,” JARVIS answered and Clint, hesitantly, moved for the coffee pot.

Since it did not scald him with hot coffee, he took out a mug and poured a cup of coffee before scuttling away.

He was in the living room and he looked around before bee lining it towards Phil and cuddling into his arms. “Clint, what’s wrong? You’re as white as a sheet,” he stated, wrapping his arms comfortingly around Clint, rubbing Clint’s shoulders and Clint looked up at him.

“I think JARVIS is plotting my death,” he stated.

“I am doing no such thing, Agent Barton. It was _you_ who ignored the first two shocks and required me speaking up about how the mug of coffee was Darcy’s,” JARVIS corrected above.

“She left it on the counter!” Clint argued and Phil gently shushed him.

“Darcy isn’t here, Clint. She went out on that date Jane set up for her, remember?” Phil answered and they heard the soft whir sound above, as if JARVIS had…

Clint pressed his face into Phil’s neck. “Did he just _growl_? Like Thor does when Jane gets flirted with?” he asked, as Phil smiled a little, rubbing Clint’s back.

“It seems he did. I believe Jarvis is jealous,” Phil answered.

“I am an Artificial Intelligence, Agent Coulson. I do not get jealous,” JARVIS responded, even as Phil smiled knowingly into Clint’s hair, carefully calming his boyfriend down.

“Now you know Clint; don’t touch Darcy’s mug. Besides, she would murder you herself if she had ever found out,” Phil answered, rubbing his fingers through Clint’s hair and carefully placing the mug to the side.

“Want to go get Chinese?” Phil asked softly.

Clint was up and halfway to the elevator within seconds of the question.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Phil stated and had Clint finish his coffee as he got ready to go.

JARVIS watched them go, hurrying the elevator so he could…brood in silence.

In the silence of the Tower, he would admit to himself that yes, he was a jealous. Jealous that Darcy had gone out, alone, and that he couldn’t follow her. Tony hadn’t been able to install a ‘JARVIS app’ onto her Starkphone, so the annual trip with him in company could not have taken place and now he could not watch over her.

He continued to sulk until he spread out and began to take a ‘looksee’ through security cameras around the site of the date. He searches and eventually goes into the resturant’s security as well, piggy backing, not breaking, and looking for Darcy.

As Tony has him do the same when Pepper is out with someone not him (or even when he’s out with her), he sees nothing creepy or stalkerish about this.

He finds them sitting in the back, but Darcy looks…bored almost. She is staring at the guy and, every time she says something, or tries to answer or give an opinion, he cuts her off. JARVIS is already searching for a way to _destroy him_ for ignoring her and making…

That’s not a bored look.

That’s a look of nonexistent self-confidence.

The fire alarm triggers, the sprinklers go, and JARVIS feels no shame in it.

Darcy and her date stumble outside, but when the guy reaches out, ready to drag her off, she shakes him off. She pushes him away, soaking wet and runs down the street. He tracks her easily as she runs down a subway.

JARVIS takes care to always keep her in his sight, following her. When she gets to the Tower, he already has her mug clean out and coffee mixed with chocolate waiting for her. He opens doors for her without asking and the elevator ride is as fast as he can make it without having her collapse on the ground.

Her sobs are echoing through the elevator and they ding open, she comes crashing out, shuddering a bit in the cold. “Darcy,” JARVIS greets, softly gently and she sobs more.

“Is…is anyone here?” she asked.

“Just myself and the other Stark creations,” JARVIS answered and Darcy nodded slowly.

“I have a coffee and chocolate waiting for you in the kitchen and your StarkTV has your favorite action movies queued up,” JARVIS stated.

“I’d rather have a hug, Jarv,” Darcy answered softly and walked forward, gently taking her mug and heading to her room.

JARVIS aided her progress as quickly as he could, not surprised when Wally rushed forward, chittering, before letting out a sad ‘whoo-oh’ sound. She goes to her room and a movie with lots of explosions happens. She immediately set her coffee down on the glowing spot that would keep it warm and peeled off her clothes before shoving them down the incinerator shoot, shoes and all, and grabbed her fluffiest towel, drying herself off, while Wally chirred, whirled, and beeped in concerned tones around her. “Do you wish to speak of it Darcy?” JARVIS asked, almost hesitant.

“No, not really,” she choked out as she changed into her pajamas, grabbed her chocolate-coffee, and sat on her bed. She pulled her mountain of blankets around her, and drank her coffee down. And then she grabbed pillow and stared at the screen before she began to sob openly, burying her head into her pillow.

Wally cooed in concern before, somehow, climbing up on the bed, and snuggles next to her. He doesn’t have the dexterity to hug her, but it is enough for her to unload. To talk about a guy who made sure to make digs about everything, from the fact she wasn’t a _real_ scientist to what she had worn to _her glasses_. How Jane ever thought that the guy would have been a good date was beyond her understanding.

Maybe he was a sweetheart in the lab, but it didn’t matter.

He had been horrible tonight and had expected her to put out since no one wanted her anyway.

As she passed out, Wally still cuddled against her side, chirring softly in concern, JARVIS whispered, “I do.”

However, Darcy was asleep.

And he was an AI.

It would not matter how much he would wish to have her all to himself, he never could.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t protect her with everything he had.

* * *

Jane was laughing as she stumbled in with Thor, Bruce, and Betty. JARVIS whirred to life around them and said, “Dr. Foster?”

She paused. “Yes JARVIS?”

“Next time you wish to set Miss Lewis up on a date, please make sure they are compatible or that you are, at least, here. I can only do much,” JARVIS stated, even as he lit the ways to their respective hallways.

Jane, however, blinked in confusion. “The date didn’t go well? But…Alex is a _sweetie_. He loves all the same things as Darcy, is unhealthily obsessed with his iPod…” she began, but JARVIS could already begin searching.

“Alex Samuels?” JARVIS questioned, cutting her off.

“Yeah. He’s one of the doctors, a newbie, in my lab,” Jane said.

JARVIS let his displeasured silence fill the room. He was looking through files and found it. He also found the gossip mill.

He knew Darcy was…loose. Steve had often frowned at her for it, but was getting better at not doing so, but JARVIS was busy reading the gossip about Darcy.

And Alex complaining about her being a prude with him.

“Dr. Foster, Samuels lied,” JARVIS answered simply, already copying and pasting the information before sending it to the cellphones of Barton, Coulson, and the Widow.

They all had a soft spot for Darcy and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to sic all three on Samuels.

“What do you mean?” Jane asked.

“Samuels despises all Apple products. He fried a _needed_ iPhone purely because it was an iPhone, even though that was the only way to contact any other agents. It is why he was removed from the agent list at SHIELD and delegated purely to Research and Development,” JARVIS answered, once he was reassured that the messages got through to the intended recipients before he extracted himself from the needed components to do what he had just done, leaving all security as it had once been.

“He’s a dead man,” Jane hissed, moving to her own floor.

“Miss Lewis is asleep. It would be prudent to leave her be, Dr. Foster,” JARVIS stated, even as he whirred away, refusing to answer her demands to be let onto Darcy’s floor.

No one needed to see her like that except those who wouldn’t pity her.

And he knew that Jane would just feel guilty.

The next morning, Darcy thanked him for not telling anyone how bad it really was.

The fact that Alex Samuels was traumatized so badly that he had to go to a SHIELD psyche ward for a while was nothing JARVIS knew about.

And the missing security footage was just a glitch.

Really.


	4. Yuanyang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should add this note; I do not believe people who hate Apple are evil. The other guy just happened to be.
> 
> Also, in my head, Darcy just loves her iPod because of a reason that will be explained this chapter.

* * *

After the date from hell, Tony gave Darcy’s Starkphone a JARVIS app, allowing him to accompany her and, even on occasion, aid her with her job, usually with a low level files. They chatted about the smallest of things, but usually JARVIS spent his time not there. The fact he could be there in the space of Darcy’s heartbeat was enough to leave him content to idle away the hours in the Tower, and in the Malibu house,

In listening to demands and having, at least, four conversations at once, with nary a pause in answers, his learning capabilities enhanced with the number of people he now had under his blanket of obsessive protection.

He was pleased, if an AI could feel such a thing (however, he has admitted to jealousy, and a great fondness that may be love for one Darcy Charity Lewis and, comparatively, being pleased would be far less dangerous then those), when he hears Darcy say his name.

He immediately activates the app on her Starkphone, about to ask, when he realizes that it wasn’t a call for him.

She had said his name in conversation.

JARVIS briefly wondered if he should go away, but the conversation pulls.

“Who is Jarvis?” a voice, male, asks.

JARVIS quickly runs vocal recognition and comes up with Agent Ryan. He’s a good sort, someone JARVIS might, possibly, approve of, if Ryan could complete impossible tasks, such as filling a pot of water with a sieve.

The phone is on the desk, so the camera, which activates as part of a safety protocol with the ‘JARVIS app’ installed. If she was in trouble and shouted any predetermined cue words, he could dispatch aid quickly to her.

He now used it to focus on her face. “Jarvis? He’s a really good guy. He’s smart, funny, and has a  _wicked_  sense of humor,” she answered cheerfully and JARVIS wondered if this was how Clint felt when he overheard nice things about himself, or heard Agent Coulson speaking highly of him.

Ryan’s voice sounded a bit surprised. “He sounds like a great guy. Is he taken?” Ryan asked and he saw Darcy hesitate.

“I…I don’t think so. I tease him about having a lady about, sometimes, or missing having one, but he’s never told me just that,” she answered and she picked up a generic SHIELD mug before she sipped whatever it was in it.

JARVIS doubted it was coffee. She had a good night’s sleep and her morning coffee that day had been Folgers and whipped cream, as he was sure that her cycle would be starting soon and felt she could use the pick me up.

“Oh. Um…I noticed that you…attempted to scratch out someone’s eyes today,” Ryan stated and she nodded, her lips thinning slightly.

“Could you tell me why?” he asked.

“He thought it would be funny to steal my iPod,” she answered.

Her facial patterns suggested rage and…sadness. JARVIS focused more on her, noting that he was barely upholding even two conversations back at the Tower.

“It’s just an iPod,” Ryan stated.

“It is not  _just an iPod_!” Darcy snarled, leaning up.

Her rage was oddly beautiful, her dark hair flying around her face, curling near the corners of her mouth, as she glowered at the man in front of her. “Agent…”

“Get out!” she ordered, the flex of muscles indicating that she threw her hand out to point at the door.

Ryan ran out and Darcy leaned over the desk, panting softly before she settled in her chair. JARVIS was about to leave her (and figure out what coffee to make her when she came back) when he heard Clint say, “That was a bit of an overreaction, wasn’t it?”

JARVIS immediately stayed, eavesdropping willingly.

“No, not really,” she responded, even as she pulled back.

There was a soft thump, as if he decided to drop down, and Darcy slowly sat back down, burying her right hand in her hair while the left went to work on reports. “What’s so special about it?” Clint asked and there was a sound of Clint putting his feet up on her desk.

“Don’t you have a husband to annoy?” Darcy asked.

“Hey, hey, hey! Ix-nerb on the usband-herb!” Clint retorted.

She didn’t smile at him and sighed, digging her fingers harsher into her hair. “No, seriously Darce, what is wrong? You usually don’t get like this. I mean, it took you a year and Phil buying you a baker’s dozen of shoes for Christmas and your birthday before you forgave him for taking your iPod so, yes, it is important, but what, specifically, has you wanting to murder people over taking it?” Clint questioned.

Darcy continued to work and sighed. “My mother died when I was little, right? Like, days after I was born, little. Well, my dad loved me anyway. And, he died too. And the iPod? Yeah…that was a ‘congrats on getting into college’ present, and then he died, okay? So…taking the iPod? A guarantee to have me reaching for the Death card,” she explained in short, clipped, tones, before she focused on her reports again.

“And I only forgave Phil because Phil gave me iPod back on top of the shoes and the year,” she added quietly.

JARVIS was silent as he left her to Clint’s sudden hug.

Besides, Phil would get to Clint far quicker then JARVIS ever could if Clint ever cheated on him with Darcy.

And JARVIS couldn’t hug her anyway.

* * *

“Welcome home, Darcy,” JARVIS greeted as she walked into the lobby of the Avengers’ Tower.

"Thanks Jarv! How was your day today?” she responded as she stepped into the elevator.

“Very good, Darcy. I was researching coffee drinks and found one I hadn’t made since I was first online. Would you like to try it?” he asked.

“Always, Jarv!” she exclaimed cheerfully and the elevator doors dinged open.

“At the communal kitchen or your private bar?” he inquired.

“Communal. I need to be social. And I’m sure by now Clint has told everyone why I love my iPod so,” she answered.

“Why is that?” JARVIS asked, pretending he didn’t know.

“It was the last present Dad gave me, before he died. He named it and everything,” she explained and blinked a bit at the coffee that was sitting on the counter.

In a glass.

With a straw and a very pale brown, though the base was quite dark still. “Yes, that is for you, Darcy,” JARVIS reassured and she smiled before picking it up and sliding up onto the counter, sipping it and letting her legs, a slight sheen over them suggesting nylons.

The ankle high, four inch, boot-heels were a work of beauty, a deep purple-red, and the skirt was the same color, shimmering just above her knees. “This is really good, JARVIS, what is it?” she asked.

“Yuanyang,” JARVIS answered warmly.

The sound of startlement, followed by a coughing fit, startled both of them, though only Darcy jumped.

The slight flicker of lights had nothing to do with surprise.

Not one bit.

They both focused and found Bruce standing there with an apologetic look on his face, a mug of tea in his hands. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t know you made Asian coffees, JARVIS,” Bruce stated, but that didn’t sound like it at all.

If JARVIS was human, he would be blushing and shuffling foot-to-foot at being found out. However, Darcy just grinned and accepted it before hugging Bruce and skipping off and away to go join everyone in the living room, once she asked JARVIS where everyone was.

“JARVIS?” Bruce called.

“Yes Dr. Banner?” JARVIS responded.

“Are you in love with Darcy?” he asked.

JARVIS was silent a moment, watching Darcy as she sat amongst the team, laughing as she removed her boots and pouted at Natasha before shoving her feet at Steve for a foot rub, while Steve flushed at her forwardness. Natasha was grinning and Clint drops down from the ceiling, falling into the space left between Darcy and Phil. Tony is waiting for Bruce to come back, Pepper draped across his lap, a soda in hand.

Thor is laughing and smiling as Jane cuddles against his side.

Darcy is demanding she get to pick the movie, and JARVIS, naturally, settling the dispute in favor of Darcy and Tony, but only because Darcy picked it.

Tony has long decided that, while he’s freaked out of his mind that his AI has developed  _feelings_ , of all things, even when JARVIS points out that he was programmed with them.

“Yes, Dr. Banner, I believe I do,” he answered simply.

Bruce stares at a wall. “Okay then. I didn’t know you could,” Bruce explained.

“Neither did I. Well that be all Dr. Banner?” JARVIS responded.

“Actually, I came in for popcorn.”

“Very well, Dr. Banner.”

Soon, the popcorn began and JARVIS even managed to get a kettle going, pausing the movie until Bruce could join them.

If he was human, if he had a body, JARVIS knows exactly what he would be doing now.

He would be pulling Darcy up and cuddling with her on the loveseat. He would be wrapping her up in his arms and resisting the urge to roll away from her elbows as she jumped excitedly and shouted advice at the screen. Would shield her when the popcorn fight, inevitably, started and get up to get her more drinks.

But, he is not human and he does not have a body and settles for watching her having to use the sofa to dodge popcorn. However, she has never been one to just sit around and is soon shouting, “ Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!” as she leaps over to tackle Tony to the ground and dumping the kernels onto him before running off with a cackle.

JARVIS is more then happy to lock the way behind her, making her the winner of the night.

Well, there is always next movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuanyang, is a drink primarily from Hong Kong. It used to just be served in cafes and open air carts, but is now served in restaurants. 
> 
> The drink itself was named for the Mandarin ducks that symbolize conjugal love and fidelity.
> 
> Which is why Bruce chokes a bit on his tea.


	5. Café au lait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not write in foreign languages. I'll just say if she is speaking in a foreign language. Mostly so I don't have to guard my own grammar, so yes, it will like 'equivalent of', not what she's actually saying.

Fury stared at the files on his desk. All of them were found by Coulson, all of them with 'read ASAP'.

All of them Darcy Lewis.

Or whatever name was stamped on them. But the picture was the same, if in various ages, of one Darcy Charity Lewis. Or was it Justice Deidra Melrose? The various names, nationalities, and otherwise that were spread across his desk.

There was a knock on the door and he called, "Come in Agent Lewis."

"You're good, Director Fury," she greeted as she skipped in and she grinned as she settled onto the chair across from him, obviously cheerful.

Fury glanced up and then carefully pulled up one file. She didn't even twitch at the name. She just stared. "Justice Melrose, born January 13, 1982. Died, May 15, 1990. Drowned in a mall fountain," Fury read off.

"Obviously, I didn't," Darcy answered.

"I can see that. How did it work?" Fury asked.

Darcy let out a low sigh, the carefree, emotional attitude melting away, and she folded back.

"If I tell you the cliff-notes version, will you accept that? Because, otherwise, I'll lie and you'll have to find out the truth on your own," she responded.

"I'll take the cliff-notes, but I'll ask for more information later," Fury stated.

Darcy nodded and let out a low sigh before she gave a small nod. "My mother was married to my father for a long con. By the time he realized what had happened, my mother had run off with me. The...intention was for me to take over the family buissness when I got older. So...I was like Natasha, only less killing. I could be whoever they wanted or needed. I could be dead, I could be paralyzed, I could be blinded in a horrific accident. By the time I was twelve, I had been to every Europeaon country, including Latevaria. We went to Canada, after that, and...that's where everything went wrong. We were big. I had four uncles, and two aunts, in addition to my mother and older half-brother. We were tagged and brought down. However, my brother and I were minors. While he was put in foster system of Canada, I was able to remember my real name. I told them what I knew. My name, Darcy Charity Lewis, born in the USA, on Febuary 14, 1987. They found me pretty quickly and contacted my father. I was thirteen and I hadn't seen him since I was three. And he grabbed me in a hug, clinging tight. My mother had forged a Death Certificate and sent it to him. To end the con, officially. I was never dead. She needed to make sure I could go somewhere. From the moment my dad hugged me, to the age of 15, I cultivated who I thought Darcy Charity Lewis should be. And...it helped that it was who I wanted to be. And then he died. So, Tasha is mostly helping my polish my skills. That all you want to know, Director?"

Fury watched her. He could find key points later. He could prove if she was lying or not. It would be easy, so very easy.

She had given him so much, more then enough, to insure that she stayed for forever.

Darcy was a safer option than Natasha, in a way. She had been trained to blend, to pretend, to be.

She had not been trained to kill.

"That's all I need to know. All right Agent Lewis, I'm giving a you a choice. A two month intensive where your survival skills will be put to the test; no Stark tech (he internally smiled at the way she let out a low sigh at that; he knew that Stark's AI had a _thing_  for Darcy and he knew that that _thing_  was returned), no SHIELD tech or aid, or money except what you can fit on your person. A burner phone will be give to you after you get to the first stop, if you are one of the first five people to get there _or_  you can buy one with the resources you bring. The second choice is to go with Agent Coulson to France and pose as his daughter," Fury answered.

This was usually how he got Junior Agents to take a hated job or assignment, such as making sure Agent Romanov stayed in bed when she was on bedrest.

Of course, there was always _that one_.

Darcy seemed to be one of them. "Two months sounds awesome," she squeaked out.

He glared. "Let me rephrase that. You can go pretend to be Agent Coulson's daughter in France or you can go pretend to be Agent Coulson's daughter in France," he stated.

Darcy huffed.

"Fine. I'll go be Phil's little girl. Give me stuff, like name, date of birth, personality, favorite color, or I'll make it up," she stated.

"You are very pushy."

"You should have let me do that two month intensive."

Fury glared a bit, even if he wanted to smile.

Maybe he would move her up to be her own woman in the agency.

On the other hand, Phil could use all the help he could get.

* * *

Darcy sipped her cafe au lait as she read the newspaper.

The last time she had been in Paris, her mother and aunt had been using her for a con.

Now SHIELD was using her in one.

"I really don't like Paris," she muttered.

"What's so bad about it?" Coulson asked.

"Every time I come here, it is never for fun," she answered and Coulson looked over his newspaper at her.

"You've had enough 'fun' to last awhile, haven't you Josephine?" Coulson asked.

"Yes, Papa," she answered softly and pushed her sunglasses farther up her nose, grinning at the information that JARVIS was writing across the lenses.

And the comments he was making.

They continued to chat like a properly chastized teenager and her over-indulgent father, while Darcy continued to read what was flickering across the lenses.

* * *

Darcy huffed as she flopped onto her bed, gently tossing the sunglasses onto the side table when her Starkphone went off.

_How was the coffee?_  - E. Jarvis

She smiled and texted back.

_Not as good as yours. E?_  - Darcy L.

_Edwin Jarvis. Tony is working on something. He says it is going to be a surprise._  - E. Jarvis

_He's managing to keep something from you? For shame._  - Darcy L.

_No. Surprise for you._  - E. Jarvis

Darcy blinked in surprise and gave a little squeal. _Is it a new taser?_  - Darcy L.

_No._  - E. Jarvis

Darcy pouted. What sort-of surprise would Tony be making her if it wasn't a taser?

She continued to text Jarvis until sleep pulled her under, still dressed. Half an hour later, after Phil had concluded his own phone calls, he walked into the bedroom, only to smile fondly at her. He sighed, got her boots off and carefully tucked her in. "God, I'm getting maudlin in my old age," he muttered softly.

He then went to the bathroom and got ready before retiring to his own bed.

SHIELD didn't allow for separate rooms.

* * *

"Sir, is it almost ready?" JARVIS asked and Tony resisted the urge to throw something at the AI.

"It will be ready when it is ready! This takes time. Or do you not want to be able to react like a human?" Tony responded, carefully lying the synthesized skin over the android body.

Over a year of work, since JARVIS had first approached him about having a body, since Darcy had come and stole his AI's little central cortex systems (heart sounded mushy).

He rolled his eyes as a phone started. "Sir, Agent Coulson is calling," JARVIS stated.

"Hey Agent. How is Paris, City of Love? Do I need to tell my AI and your boyfriend how you and Darcy are running off together?" Tony asked.

_"Stark, we have a problem,"_  Coulson stated.

Tony paused. "What?" he questioned.

_"Darcy just went missing,"_  Coulson stated.

The flicker of lights had nothing to do with JARVIS's intense systems coming to a temporary halt at the news, just like Tony's arc reactor didn't flicker from shock.


	6. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be graphic descriptions of violence in this chapter. Because...bad guys. And it gets brutal. But I didn't want to give spoilers, so yeah. If that bugs you, skip over the part right after the line 'JARVIS was such a good AI.'

* * *

Darcy lets out a low sigh as she comes to, her body immediately registering the side-effect of a drug. She had been sitting in a cafe, waiting for Coulson to get back while she had fed him information from watching the building behind her sunglasses, which she did not have now. Jarvis had been making comments, when she had sensed someone come up behind her. She had started to turn when someone had grabbed her shoulder and she felt something sharp pierce her shoulder, someone greeting her by her cover name and forcing her to her feet. She had passed out before they had even gotten to any mode of transportation and, considering that she no longer had her sunglasses, they had removed them in transit.

She ignored the roll of her stomach and she continued to try and figure out where she was. There was a soft drip and…it was hard. She shifted her weight slightly, realizing that she was on a mattress on the floor. She can’t tell if they cuffed her by the ankle to something; the boots she’s still wearing are too heavy to find, but they also conceal a few knives that were made of something other than metal.

The sound of footsteps drew her attention and she carefully settled into who she was playing.

Josephine Bellerose, the only daughter of businessman Olivier Bellerose. Flighty, she acts out only when she wants attention from her otherwise too busy father. She loves her father more than anything. Her favorite color is aquamarine, her favorite animals are cats. She loves classical music (Mozart, Chopin), but hides it with death metal. She loves to dress up with jewelry and make-up, but also loves cutsie hooded sweatshirts that have ears on the hoods best of all cutsie hooded sweatshirts. She is a brilliant child, great with codes that fly over her fingers (turns out listening to Tony ramble and actually asking questions, poking at things and building her own are helpful, but she’s not Tony Stark).

By the time the door opens, Darcy “Josephine Bellerose” Lewis is sobbing and asking for her father.

* * *

JARVIS whirls through security cameras, in France, trying to find whoever had caught Darcy. He was considering murdering them, horribly, but not every car in the world is completely run by computer. He continued to search and then he found it.

Oh, his Darcy was a bright girl.

She had made sure to sit so a camera could see her clearly. She had waved. It had looked like it was to someone across the street, but JARVIS knew it was for him. And the minute the men had appeared, he pulled their faces and put them up in front of Tony. “Here are the men, Sir,” he stated.

“Run the facial recognition. I’m sure you’ll find them faster than any SHIELD lackey. And then you send the location to Agent,” Tony answered, even as Coulson calls him again.

“Stark here,” he greeted.

_“I would suggest sending location to Romanov as well. She is in France for another mission, but she might have to have words with Darcy for getting caught,”_ Coulson stated.

“I don’t want to know how you know what we were talking about,” Tony answered, even as names and files popped up on the screen. JARVIS was working overtime.

“Don’t burn anything out, JARVIS,” Tony warned, even as he began to relay information to Coulson over the secure line.

JARVIS was such a good AI.

* * *

While Josephine Bellerose was sobbing out and crying out in French, begging for her father, asking what they wanted, and who they were, and where was her father, Darcy Lewis had to admire the fact they kept away from her head.

When she had been dragged from her cell, she had been strapped to a chair in the beginning. At first, they had demanded nicely.

After an hour of that not working, they hauled her out of the chair, chained her into a modified crucifix position, they began to work on just bruising her badly, but never touching her face or head.

They wanted to make sure that they didn’t accidently give her brain damage.

They wanted codes, information, _SHIELD things_ , and she knew she had been recognized, which meant a leak.

She let out a louder sob and cry as the…board, she was actually thinking it was a paddle of some sort, slammed into her ribs again. The ribs were most definitely bruised and she knew for a fact that they would begin working on breaking things soon. She gasped out between cries and they suddenly dropped her, nearly getting her head struck, if she hadn’t been caught in such a way that it pulled on her bruised ribs. She cried and struggled, feeling as if her ribcage was on fire.

Maybe they were cracked too.

Darcy wasn’t expecting the dislocated shoulder. She let out another cry, this one truly forced out, and she was thrown back into the chair.

Distantly, she wondered how long she was going to be here and she let out another cry as her shoulder was popped back into place. Things were about to get worse, she knew it.

She wondered what was going to be broken first.

The question was answered when the pinky finger was broken after she cried out protests against the questions.

* * *

Darcy was prepared to protest she had been there for hours when was shoved back into her cell on unsteady feet. Apparently, they were also going to be compounding the torture with no food or water. She heard the soft click of her being secured to the wall again and she watched as the men placed a platter. She measured it mentally and didn’t break character, even if she wanted to curse them. They settled it just out of her reach.

She had to admit it was effective, though she was busy sobbing and curling around her left hand. Darcy was pretty sure that half her left hand been broken, along with her wrist. It was very effective, considering how many bones are in the human hand. She just curled around her hand more and she continued cry, noting that yes, there was a leak.

Very few people knew that Darcy was actually left-handed. She had made herself ambidextrous, since people were more commonly right handed. It made her blend more.

Once it was cleared, she pretended to sob herself into sleep and kept her breathing ragged, even as she slid towards the cuff on her right ankle. With a wince and twist, using her right hand to help, she managed to slid her ankle out, wincing as she was pretty sure she twisted it.

She began to get the other off before she began to look at the food. She didn’t trust it, instead fishing out everything she had hidden in the boots. Once she had her lock picks, and her buddy from elementary school would be so proud.

Darcy immediately began to investigate the lock and mentally cursed.

She couldn’t get out on her own. With a sigh, she returned all the objects to their place in her boots and wriggled back in. The lock was going to be at too awkward of an angle to pick.

Once settled back on the mattress, she curled protectively around her broken limb and fell asleep.

She awoke to the sound of gunfire and repulsor fire.


	7. Eiskafee

Coulson didn’t even pause as he shot the men who had taken Darcy hostage. He just hoped that she was alive, because if she wasn’t, he didn’t think JARVIS would hesitate to start decimating everything. So many things were hooked up to the internet or were just on a board that JARVIS could hack into. There were more people than expected, but Tony had come as well.

“Nice to see you here Stark,” he greeted.

_“Yeah. Jarvis might have murdered me if I hadn’t_ ,” Tony greeted over the comm.

_“I would have done no such thing, Sir. I would have just made your life very difficult. Such as crashing the computer you are using for reports,”_ JARVIS answered.

_“I don’t do reports,”_ Tony answered.

Coulson refused to think about Fury’s computer crashing.

At all.

He needed the plausible deniability.

So, while Tony was ripping through some, he began to head into the back. He immediately began to search through the rooms until he came to the one door that seemed most cell like. He shot the lock and hauled the door open to find Darcy sitting up, staring up at him. She let out a visible sigh of relief, cradling her hand to her chest.

He didn’t hesitate in walking in. “Can you stand?” he asked.

“It’ll take a while, but yes sir, I can,” she answered.

She swung her left arm up and over his shoulders and he knew what she meant. They had gotten her ribs from the way she is hissing lowly and he wraps one arm around her lower back. “That’s not hurt,” she reassured and he stands, pulling her with him.

Darcy can’t stop the yelp, but they are standing. They turned and Coulson didn’t have time to pull his piece when it was in Darcy’s right hand. She shot the man and he fell, before she rested against Coulson.

“You’re all messy…and bloody. And slightly icky,” she stated.

“That’s what happens when you tear through a little known terrorist cell to rescue your partner,” Coulson answered.

“Knew you loved me, Phil,” she responded and they got out of there.

* * *

Darcy wasn't sure what proper procedure was, but whisking her away to Tony's private jet that just happened to be waiting for a blood soaked Coulson and her injured self…well, she was pretty sure that that wasn’t proper procedure.

Tony had already started heading for the States and Darcy was helped down onto a seat. Coulson immediately settled down in front of her, looking over her hand. She let out a low hiss of pain and he let out a low sigh. "You're going to need surgery to get this all set. It took us a couple of days to find you. Jarvis was frantic," Coulson answered.

"I was grabbed. So not my fault," she answered, her shoulder throbbing slightly from where she had been stabbed.

It had taken awhile for the bruise from the stab to come up on her skin, but it would just blend in with the other bruises, which were not irritated by the _really soft_ seat she was in. She blinked a bit as Coulson slowly stood, even as Jarvis whirled to life around her.

"I am glad you are safe Darcy," he stated.

"I am glad to be safe, Jarv," she murmured and blinked in surprise as Coulson carefully settled a blanket over her lap.

“I’m not expecting you to sleep,” Coulson stated, even as he pulled out the First Aid kit and began to make sure she wouldn’t be able to make the broken bones worse by putting her arm in a sling.

“I have to go start the paperwork on this,” Coulson stated and walked off.

Darcy paused and said, “Were you really frantic?”

“Very much so, Darcy. I nearly crashed myself looking for you,” Jarvis answered softly, the voice in the speaker right next to her ear.

“Really?” she asked, a small smile spreading across her face.

“Really,” Jarvis answered quietly.

Darcy’s smile is just about ready to split her face. “You love me,” she stated.

A hesitance. “Yes, Darcy, I do,” he responded.

“Good, because I love you too, you impossible AI,” she answered, pressing her forehead against the speaker.

The voice vibrates against her forehead and it is almost like a type of a kiss.

She falls asleep, even if she’s in agony, because this…this is wonderful and makes her smile. Jarvis is still talking to her, and it feels nice.

* * *

Darcy wakes up once they land and there is a stretcher waiting for her.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” she muttered, but was thankful for it.

SHIELD medics were awesome and she was out again, thanks to drugs this time.

When she comes to, her arm is in a cast up to the upper arm to keep her from moving it, along with a brace to her fingers. Coulson is at her bedside and nods. “There is someone who wishes to see you, Miss Lewis,” he greeted.

She sat up and blinked at the man in the doorway. He had golden blonde hair that was a little messy with a shy smile on her face, with bright blue eyes. He was dressed in a black suit and, behind the flowers he held in his arms, was a white shirt with black stripes. The flowers were lilacs and hydrangeas with a spruce of ivy.

“Hello Darcy,” he greeted.

Even without the electronic shift, she knew that voice. “Jarvis,” she breathed.

He smiled more with a nod, walking to the bed and settled the bouquet on her lap. She didn’t hesitate to grab him with her good hand. “How?” she choked out.

“Tony has been working on it for a while. Decoy of some sort. He said that it had full sensory capability,” Jarvis answered.

“Let’s test that,” Darcy answered and gently hauled him down, surging up to kiss him.

After a few seconds of hesitance, he kissed back, one hand slipping back to cradle her head. When they pulled back, he looked slightly dazed and Coulson looked distinctly uncomfortable.

Darcy, however, was beaming like she had just been given the best present in the world. “Best surprise ever,” she stated and Jarvis smiled before leaning forward to kiss her again.

When they parted, he was smiling. “I would like to take you out for coffee. There is a German coffee shop that opened recently. They make eiskafee,” he stated.

“Isn’t that ‘iced coffee’ in German?” she asked.

“Yes, but it is made with ice cream. And Tony said that I could have liquids, so I’ll probably have normal coffee, but it’ll be a date, outside of the tower,” he answered.

“That sounds wonderful,” she answered.

Coulson just worked on getting her signed out and wondered if this is what it was like for everyone else when they watched him and Clint.

He really hoped not, because he didn’t think he could deal with it 24/7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lilacs and hydrangeas with a spruce of ivy
> 
> Lilacs mean first love.  
> Hydrangeas mean perseverance.  
> Ivy means fidelity or faithfulness.
> 
> ANYWAY...I had a weird dream last night, after reading [Chaerring](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaerring/pseuds/Chaerring)'s [Siblings](http://archiveofourown.org/series/15728) Series, I sort-of....had a dream. So that one would be inspired by that.
> 
> Sort-of.
> 
> I just had a dream where Darcy and Neal knew each other and, anyone who watches White Collar knows how Neal gets with those he cares for. So, he hugs her and they start talking.
> 
> However, I haven't seen some of the newer episodes, but that's what fanfiction means, right?
> 
> Yeah...I'll be writing that so, this has now become a series.
> 
> ...Why do I do this to myself?
> 
> Unless there are objections and then I might just write as an aside.
> 
> Because I am insane.


End file.
